stay the same

please never change

i wish things never change

immoblize in one moment in time

take me back to 

a time where 

joy, laughter, fun 

belong

no responsibilities

no fear for the future

The Balance of Life

to every strength,

there is a weakness,

to every effort,

there is an ability laid hidden

to every attempt at naive, innocent love

we are denied 

denied our rights to be

accepted as humans with real emotions,

not merely as a plaything to be manipulated

denied our rights to be 

treated as equal, 

not to be demeaned and put down because of our differences

we are sick & tired 

of being knocked down by people who thinks 

'they know better'

it's for our own best interest'

what do they know?

they don't have disabilities

one thing i wish:

they would love us,

not be so condescending towards us,

acting like we're dumb and don't know anything

just b/c of our disabilities

The Struggle's is Real....

True, each day is a brand-new day with tremendous possibilities. 

But I know each day is a blessing, so why don't I feel it? 

They say: appearances are deceiving. 

I was once a happy-go-lucky child, loving anime (Sailor Moon) and books (Sweet Valley High & Fear Street), 

but ppl know how to put me down, not build me up. 

Traitors all of them are. 

I don't trust them. Who needs trust when everyone is Public Enemy #1? 

I hate ppl and vice versa. 

Each day my soul is dying. 

My heart is breaking. 

I am damaged goods all around. 

No happy pill can cure me of this death spell. 

Madness abounds my heart, broken inside, dancing wretchedness. 

Heartbreak Hotel. 

Day in and day out --

life is a merry-go-round 

never ending, never ceasing

This ceaseless, endless pain

Let's end this pain--

once and for all time sake!

Life's cruel 

Let's not be cruel back to it

Senseless Violence

Question of the Moment: 

What is the solution to this senseless violence?

Let's start at homebase: We fight over meaningless, trivial things like parking, road rage, stuff that doesn't even matter in the bigger scheme of things. But let's not even start with most recently when people start fighting with not just words but with any ole weapons they had on them such as knives, guns, even broken bottles. Why can't we solve our problems rationally and with our words, not violence? Violence leads to death. We don't want death on our hands.

Maybe it is the gov't's fault for condoning death: eye for an eye as in the death penalty. Murder will get you put to death. Maybe it is the mass media's fault for condoning death. We have so much violence in our media, whether it is in TV, movies, videos, even on the internet that we are desensitize by violence. It is in the media so often that we prob'ly think it is okay to be violent towards others. We modeled ourselves after our fave action hero celebrities stars or anime/manga stars, which mostly portray violence. Name one manga/anime that doesn't portray violence, and I will be a happy camper. Prob'ly the manga/anime that has the most violence outweighs the ones without violence.

One of our amendments in the Bill of Rights says we are allowed to bear arms. Yea, maybe for protection. But people need to redefine protection. They could have alarms, panic rooms or a guard dog for protection, not guns because what if their kids get into their guns and endanger themselves and others? Young lives might be shorten; they had so much to live for. The kids that were involved in the school shootings had easy access to guns because their parents had guns readily available to them in their house. They were prob'ly normal kids, but their parents most prob'ly taught them how to use guns to hunt and stuff, which was a big mistake since they didn't know what kind of mental capacity their young ones had. Temptation to use the guns  on their classmates and teachers who've wronged them was too great until they couldn't take it anymore. 

As for the recent mass shooting, who knows what went on in the gunman's mind? I know one thing: gun control isn't the answer--we should just melt all the guns and ammo to make a huge plague commemorating all the people who had been killed in mass shootings both in schools and other places around the world. The NRA should be abolished as well. 

Our Issues of the World

Federal & state doesn't care about the nitty-gritty issues: homelessness, drug trafficking, even prostitution; the only ones who care about these issues are the nonprofits. Why doesn't the state and the federal gov'ts care about these issues? Too busy giving tax cuts to the rich and cutting Medicaid for the low-income citizens? These are real issues that people deal with each and everyday of our lives.

If they really want to make a change, start with the real issues that we, common folks, face each day. You may not like it, but it's a fact. We have problems like homelessness, drug trafficking and prostitution everyday. Federal and state gov'ts should ask 'why' people are facing these issues instead of jailing them. They may be homeless because they have no job to pay rent or resources to hold down a job. They may have issues like health problems or no real address to send their paychecks to. People may go into drug trafficking because that is the only way for them to make income. Women sell themselves on the street because they think it is they only way they'll ever survive on the streets. Jail is not the answer to our problems. Rehabilitation is our answer. 

We should listen to those people who are down on their luck, not ostracize them. We should help them, be kind to them. We shouldn't turn away people who need help. We should be understanding of their situation, not lock them up for being poor, misguided homeless and low-income. 

Hope is always around every corner. 

Just Me as a Kid

I was such a spoiled bratty kid, you wouldn't'v'e believe it! Thinkin' back, I always would throw temper tantrums for a toy or whatever till I got what I wanted. My grams spoiled me rotten buying me stuff in Chinatown. When my gramps picked me up from daycare, he brought me my (old) fave treat. Both my grandparents and parents spoiled me even if I don't get any good grades.

I was never good at school. I was slow at learning some things. So slow, they thought I had some kind of learning disability. I may have loved reading, but when I had to do reading comprehension, I had to reread the story to find out the answers. It took me awhile to catch up to my classmates. I was always behind. During elementary school in one grade, they had a color-coded system for reading. If you go up one level you get a new color. Well,  I was always stuck at aqua (not that I don't like that color), but other students were going by past me, going to tan, pink, etc.  Well, I showed them, huh?! I overcame all else fail. I am now a self-published author.

But math...that's a whole 'nother story. I am good at math now... and at San Francisco State, I passed statistics with a B average. But all the way from elementary school through high school, I sucked at math. Maybe I was under too much pressure, pressure to succeed. Even my mom who was a math/science teacher can't help me b/c she got frustrated since I couldn't understand the material My smarty-pants older brother tried to help, but he, too, grew frustrated. Dad was no help. He wasn't good at math either. Maybe I've inherited his horrible math skills. In 7th or 8th grade, Sr. Daniel, a traditional nun, who wore a habit and all, she's prob'ly deceased now, but she was so demeaning to me and others who weren't good at math that she prob'ly turned them off from math forever. Even if I didn't do so well on her exams, she didn't need to put me down. But she made me feel bad by saying, 'Awful' on the tests I failed on. Instead of showing me how to do better, she made me stand up in front of the class and do the problems , further humiliating me. She didn't do it to only me, but to others in the same position as me.

Maybe it was her fault that I wasn't able to take any more math courses without feeling like I was going to fail. She was so mean...I thought all nuns were supposed to be kind and understanding. Not this one! No way! No hell! Sr. Margaret Anne was a much nicer and less traditional nun than her.

Creations @ my Hands

I look forward to another day of needlework. Can't wait to finish up new project. The 1st one is always the best one; the others can't top the 1st. I've been taking weaving @ John Adams City College Campus this fall, but I'm not too crazy about it. I like needlework much better than weaving. With weaving, you don't make anything while with needlework you make a certain design and voila! You got yourself a design. Right now, I'm working on something else. 

Presently, my 1st piece is on display @ the school, but  I'm working on the 2nd one. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish it by Christmas so that I can gift it to my parents for their Christmas gift sort of a gift of appreciation for all these years of helping me out all these years. Even if I don't show it at times, I love them so! Why not?   ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I also love my brother and his family as well.